Is Searching for Lost Birth Relatives Worth the Risk?

I think about her everyday.Dear friends,

Before deciding to go full blast on our adventure, we must count the cost, don’t you think?

See this precious little girl, dressed up as a detective? If we could see her heart, this is what she would look like. Most adoptees in the All-Adoptee Growth Group (all-adoptees@yahoogroups.com) say that they think about their birth mother every day.

I’d like for us to consider the risks of searching regarding the adopted child, whether he/she is a newborn, school-aged, teen, or adult adoptee. What is it like for we adoptees to not have acknowledgement of our birth families?

THAT is the cost we need to count! We need to keep in mind that adoption is about a child being placed in a nurturing home, not a child meeting the needs of parents for a family.

How will searching/not searching for birth relatives affect your child? You? We’ll talk about that next.

Adoption Identity Fact for today: 100% of adoptees are searching for their birth relatives. It may not be a literal search, but it is a search nonetheless. (Research, Brodzinsky, Schecter, Henig: The Search for Self).

What comes to mind as a risk for you? You can be honest here. We want diverse viewpoints! Do you believe adoptees think about their birth mothers (especially) every day? Do these thoughts show up in behavior, questions, school projects? Adoptees, what form do your thoughts come in? Do they occur on birthdays, Mother’s Day, or any day? Birth parents, is there even a day goes by that you don’t miss your child?

What are your thoughts after reading these posts? Please share so that you, me, and others can grow! Leave your comments way to the bottom of this site.

Thanks for stopping by today!

Sherrie_Signature.2

9 comments

  • I would like to know what my birth mom’s circumstances were, what she was dealing with, who she was, what she was like, etc. I’m curious about my birth father, too. (They could still be alive so I shouldn’t use the past tense.) But I wouldn’t want to have a relationship with either of them. My adoptive parents were the ones who raised me and I consider them to be my parents. I might be open to meeting siblings and other biological relatives. I haven’t done any serious searching aside from poking around on ancestry.com and other sites. I agree there are risks involved in searching for these people. They could turn out to be people I don’t like!

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    • Thanks for posting your thoughts, Lynne!
      Sounds like there is some curiosity bubbling, am I right?
      Yes, your birth family could turn out to be people you don’t like. Do you think they would all be that way, or like you said, perhaps a sibling you’d be drawn to?

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  • Mary Wendland Son

    I have always thought about my birth mother, and now I think of her more now that I have met her than I did before finding her. I actually never really thought about my biological father before finding my bio-mom, now I think of him occasionally. Not on any specific days….just in general when I have quiet time, when I look at my children to see if there is any of me in them. I never thought of my bio-mom on my birthday – instead I thank God for my life.

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    • I love your story, Mary! Our perceptions change as we grow older, don’t they? Do I look like her/him? Sounds like curiosities bubble up now and then? That’s good….don’t ya think? Sherrie

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  • I’m an adoptee and I don’t think about my birth woman very much. I’m thankful she gave me up and didn’t abort me. She is not my mother, my mother wiped my nose, was there when I cried was there for me all the time her I think about all the time. I do hope that my birth woman or as I call them the egg donor and sperm donor have found Jesus

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    • Mary Wendland Son

      I agree, my birth mother is not my mother, my mother is the one who cared me in oh so many ways all my life. But my bio-mom gave me my genes which is part of what makes me the person I am therefore I always wondered about her and am glad I found her.

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    • Conception through sperm donation?
      You may be interested to know that I spoke with a woman this week who was on the Oprah show in 2008. She talked about the plight of those who have no chance, supposedly, of knowing who their fathers are. She reported that currently they have found thousands of fathers for these children. I watched that show and wept, thinking I had it so much better than these adoptees. Does this resonate with you?

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    • Maribeth,
      Thanks for sharing. I’m thankful my birth mother didn’t abort me, too, although I’m not sure she didn’t try.
      Sherrie

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